"Just Talking"

10:36 AM

(April 27,2014)

"So you and that girl..."
"We're just talking."
"So can I ask her out?"
"No we are talking."

 There is talking with someone and then there's talking with someone. The latter implies a lot more than just speaking. Whatever term used: flirting, crushing, talking. . . it's pre-dating. The problem is, this preliminary step before dating is actually killing your chances at a good relationship. 

Certainly that does not mean that you should expect to go straight from "hello my name is" to "will you be my boyfriend?"

As frustrating as it is, that mysterious time in between dating and a relationship is important. (As an impatient person, I would much rather rush through it, but looking back I know it's imperative to try and enjoy it). 

So what's the problem?

In a culture of casual dating this new stage is being extended far beyond its purpose.  Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is a really special thing. Maybe you'll never get married, but either way it's the next step toward marriage. 

When you're in a romantic relationship the other person should be a big part of your life. (Not to say you should ditch your friends...but that's another issue). They are the person you go to when you need encouragement, advice, love, a laugh, or whatever. They become a priority in your life because you're dating. Now, if you are in that murky just talking phase, you need to remember that they haven't earned the right to see your vulnerable side. Likewise, you haven't earned it with them either. 

Don't go through all the motions of dating without establishing what your relationship is. Think about it- if you act this way with every person you have a crush on, how special will it be when you are in a relationship? Not very special at all. 

In the same way there is something really extraordinary about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Not only do you get all the cute perks of dating, but you also have a strong emotional relationship with someone. Save those things for someone special enough to define the relationship with. 

Likewise, not DTR-ing leads to trouble. Make sure you communicate because in many cases the just talking phase is never discussed. And even if you're both on the same page, at least establish what that page is. The rules aren't clear for the just talking phase, and it could lead to a whole lot of problems later. 

So what does it look like? Dating is different for everyone. Personally, I would go on dates with guys and allow it to be casual. I would enjoy the pre-dating stage and the butterflies-in-your-stomach that come along with it. I would take my time to get to know the person before jumping into the relationship. That said, I won't be just talking to someone for too long. I want to share my heart and those special things for when I'm actually in a committed relationship. 

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About me

Regina is a junior at a small college in the middle of nowhere. She dreams of moving to California, painting, writing letters, thrifting, and cuddling with a dog.

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