6:38 PM

When you squeeze out all the juice and let a lemon wedge sit out for a few days it becomes so dry that if you bend it, it will surely crack and possibly snap in half. Lately, I've been eating this lemon.

This past year has been a season of spiritual dryness. It's weird because at the same time I have been very blessed. First of all, I became a member of a church where I finally feel at home. It's not perfect, but for the first time I feel like this is my church family. Later, that same church offered me a job in a position that I never expected for myself. But in typical fashion, God gave me an opportunity to serve Him and through this, my life has been changed for the better. A community of believers has formed that I never thought I would be apart of. This past year, I have been able to make relationships with people of all different lifestyles, showing them grace and being reminded of it myself.

So even through all the great stuff that God is doing in my life, I don't really feel excited about spending time with the Lord everyday. It seems like a chore to read my Bible or pray to Him. Perhaps because I don't really feel like I need him right now. 

But a little spiritual dryness doesn't hurt me. So I haven't been super excited to spend time with God. I still feel like I am glorifying Him through conversations with others and my work at the church. 

I've been coasting... but it only lasts so long. 

Sin can enter like a needle. At first the joy of being in the presence of my savior starts to lose its appeal but it only feels like a small annoyance. Little by little my actions begin to stray from my God. I start to switch the radio to Top 100. Perhaps not always sinful, but more and more my mind is filled with things other than God's voice. Hanging out with friends so late that I'm too tired to pray before bed and I'm too tired to read my Bible the next morning. Spending so much time in the office that when I get home all I can do is let my mind shut off to mindless television. Hanging out with my friends on the weekend. Passive-aggressive comments and sarcastic jokes are traded among peers. Praying for others slowly turns to gossip. Still no time for Jesus. 

Then before I know it, the needle, one in which I thought was injecting into my body was actually sucking the life from me. 

The Spiritually-Dry-Zombie-Lifestyle only lasts so long. Until one day I feel no desire for the Lord. Instead, I am consumed with feelings of discontentment. Life seems unfulfilled and pointless. No longer do my friends make me laugh. No longer does my job feel important. Because once you have tasted the fruit of the Lord, the shriveled up lemon that I'm trying to feed myself just isn't worth it. 

But gracious is the God is Israel who claims me as his child. Even when I stray from his path, he upholds me. Jesus fills me with living water and renews my spirit. I hate that I stray from my Creator, but I am blessed to not be defined by this sin. There is hope in the Beginning and the End. 

 Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.                  

Psalm 51:11-12

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About me

Regina is a junior at a small college in the middle of nowhere. She dreams of moving to California, painting, writing letters, thrifting, and cuddling with a dog.

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